Weekend Update

Sorry SNL, that was the only title I could think of.

Friday evening I was at work and began feeling ill. I had been sick a few weeks prior and went to Insta - Care and had yet another bladder infection, but this one had painful consequences. Without getting too graphic, a certain body part was swelling, which is why I went to the doctor so quickly. Generally with a bladder infection I have a sore throat, swollen glands, my skin hurts and I get nauseous, but this time there were no symptoms, except for the swelling.

The doctor at the Insta-Care put me on antibiotics for 2 weeks, gave me some pain killers and I was on my way. It must be said that I am a fanatic about my pills. I take them at the exact same time everyday, I take them exactly how it says to, with water, without food, with dairy, not before operating heavy machinery etc... So imagine my surprise when the swelling came back on Friday. I was frustrated because I can't afford to get sick, I firmly believe that time is money, and anytime spent recuperating is time taken from working, last week I worked more than 70 hours, and was pretty sure I could get that many hours this week as well. I also know how sick I can get if I put off seeing the doctor, so I got home from work, went straight to bed and set my alarm for 7:30am so I could be at the Insta-Care at 8.

I woke up at 2:30am shaking violently. I was shaking so bad the dog and cat jumped off my bed and were staring at me from the floor. This is how I found out that Buddy will never be the hero dog on the news that will dial 9-1-1, nope not Buddy he will just stare at me like I am the idiot, even though he is the one that barks when a doorbell rings on TV. So I tried to calm myself down and tell myself just to sleep it off, I thought maybe I was just cold and got another blanket, I thought if I slept in a different position I could fall asleep, I just wanted to wait until morning. I could not. My back was on fire, my abdomen felt like I was being kicked, my "swollen area" felt like it was being stabbed by knives and I didn't know what to do. I called a few friends, no one woke up, I texted some friends and one texted back.....from Portland, yeah some help she was. Then I decided I needed to be a big boy and drive to the E.R. So I put on my slippers, an old hoodie and some pajama pants and off I hobbled to the car. Buddy thought we were going for a drive and jumped up, and put his paw on my "swollen area." I almost passed out.

When I got the ER the guy at the front counter asks cheerily "How are you today?" To which I replied, oh wait I didn't reply, I was in so much pain I couldn't even talk. I sat down on the floor and gave him my insurance card. Within 30 seconds I am in a wheel chair being pushed to a little white room, within 2 minutes I had an IV in one arm, a bandage on the other because he missed the vein and was answering thousands upon thousands of questions. "Are you allergic to anything?" "What is your address?" "Who is your emergency contact?" and on and on and on. I started to cry. I don't know why, I am not a crier, but I was just sobbing, and I felt bad because I had stinky breath and my hoodie had cat hair on it, and I was wearing slippers that had paint on them and I felt like I was bothering the nurses by asking them for blankets, I just felt like crap, then I passed out from hyperventilating. It wasn't for very long though, they told me I needed to stop breathing so much, I was trying to do Lamaze, the kind you see on tv, the "He He Hew" kind, FYI, DO NOT DO IT, YOU WILL DIE.

Long story short, I am alive, but am still in pain. THEN as I am going to get my prescription filled at Smith's yesterday, wearing the same clothes I had been wearing for 24 hours, with both arms in bandages, and a medical bracelet on my wrist, I was scammed into buying Girl Scout Cookies. Most people know I have a hard time saying "no" to kids; which is why when I saw that little girl I pulled out my cell phone and pretended to talk on it, but she was not convinced. I was about four feet away from her and we locked eyes, and she said "Sir can you buy some cookies?" WHAT? Are you kidding me? Of course I CAN buy some, but the question is DO I want to buy some. I asked her what kinds there were, and honestly they all sounded gross, normally I would like them, but I was fresh out of the hospital, I was sweaty and smelly and wanted to throw up, so I asked her "What kind is your favorite?" I now own 3 boxes of Thin Mints, not 1 but 3, I know I should have bought a variety but honestly time was a factor and I wasn't in the mood to browse her selection.

So that is my weekend, it was somewhat exciting, but not in the way I liked. Maybe next weekend I can get audited!

Jeff